The Gift of Me

It’s Christmas. I’d like to wish everyone a Merry Christmas. I hope you all have your wishes granted. And I don’t mean, I hope you get the gifts that you all wanted. I mean I hope you get to spend this time with the ones you love. The ones that are important to you. For you don’t know what tomorrow will bring. Enjoy what you have and be thankful that you have people around you.

You see, I’m writing this with a heavy heart. Christmas is here and yet I am so far from the ones that I hold dear. I guess you could argue, it was my choice and that I shouldn’t get upset. Even if it was my choice I didn’t think I’d be away from them at this time. But that’s what it is and I will get through it. Good things are coming, I know that.

I tried very hard for my work to allow me to get Christmas and New Year off, so I could go visit everyone. Sadly, they work on seniority and since I’m one of the newest people there, I get shafted. I hate that rule!

Anyway I managed to get a few weeks off in January, so I’m heading home then. I’ve only told my brother and a few friends. I don’t plan on telling my parents or my youngest brother. All I keep picturing is the look on my mothers face, as I turn up at her door. I am excited and worried. I know it’s going to be the best hug I’ve ever gotten from anyone. And even thinking about it makes me well up. Even as I’m sat on the bus now writing this, I’m getting emotional. I cannot wait to be in her embrace. Then to see my father, fuck I think I’ll lose it at that point but it will be tears of joy not sadness. I think I’ll be gasping for breath at the excitement. And I cannot forget my brothers or my nephew. He’s the cutest little kid to ever walk this planet. He will be a heartbreaker. More so than his old uncle here haha! (I joke!).

For this is the gift that I am able to give my parents and family. I am able to give me and all of me. Presents will come and go but the memories will last forever. That embrace will echo through time, from this life to the next for me. That’s love. It’s something I hold onto. For if I truly love you, then that love is ever lasting.

This is what Christmas symbolises for me. Religion doesn’t come into it. It’s about love. So it doesn’t matter which religion you are. For if you have love in your heart you have God in your heart. Love is a difficult thing to understand. It’s not something tangible, you cannot hold it in your hand, nor can you measure it. I will quote myself again (I apologise I do this a lot), “love is unquantifiable…”, well my love for those I hold dear is. I’ll always love them no matter what. I may have said that line to someone in the past but it’s true. And that is why love hurts. For when it goes it takes a part of you with it.

I urge you all to give those you hold dear a hug and Christmas and enjoy the love you feel for them. You’re here and now, so show them. My love spans oceans and I’ll always find a way to show my love to them. No matter what it takes. To love means to take a risk. To show humility but the reward is immense.

I’ll leave you with those thoughts. Again apologies for any mistakes or if I’ve managed to bore you.

Be well and be happy, for we are alive. Also please excuse the title. I do not see myself as a gift, merely the love I have as a gift.

Jas xx