So Far From Home

Hello all. I hope you had a wonderful Christmas or whatever else you decided to celebrate. I truly hope you got to spend it with loved ones, for that’s the biggest gift you can give and receive. Love and someone’s time.

I warn you now, this post is going to sound a bit meh. It’s hard to stay positive all the time, especially if you’re me. And by me I mean someone that thinks constantly. I sometimes wish there was an off switch for my brain, but then I wouldn’t be sat on the 321 Surrey Central bus writing this. So I should be grateful…

With New Year approaching and the thought of spending it alone looming, I’m feeling a little meh. Or empty should I say. I’ve never spent New Year on my own. It’s always been with family or with friends. Usually it would consist of me and my best friend Ally, making some last minute plans to go out somewhere and it turning into a random night but always a good laugh. For the last 12 years we’ve known each other we’ve done something together. This is the first time I can remember that we won’t be together. That brings me down. I even remember last year that we just sat at my house eating pizza and playing computer games. I had decided to stay at home because of the fathers ill health. He was really bad and I didn’t want to leave him, especially because I knew I could potentially be here. So even with it being my choice it doesn’t make the pain any less.

I know it may be hard to relate for some of you but I don’t expect sympathy, I am merely expressing my feelings and the need to wallow.

It’s times like these I wonder what my father did. How did he survive so far from home, on his own, not able to speak the language or even having the technology to communicate with family. Not even able to say “I’m okay”. But he did and surely with everything that I have around me I should be fine right? I have to be fine. Not for me but for them. I don’t know what I’m trying to get at here or even what I’m trying to say. Like I said I’m feeling a bit meh because of the time of year and I just wanted to get that feeling out of me heart and mind.

Things take time and sadly time is not on my side. But I endure and I try, knowing that I am a better man, a better son, a better partner than I used to be. I’ve grown and matured like an age old barrel of whisky. Sat to the side and forget about until it’s needed. I know the day I return home that I’ll be a different man from the one that left a year ago. I take solace in that and I’m happy for that. I’ve learned a lot being on my own. Having to fend for myself with no family to offer a helping hand. It’s been tough but I’m glad I did it. And I hope they are proud that I did it. I know I am.

Please when it comes to New Year and you’re enjoying your champagne, wine or coke, spare a thought for those who are alone. You may know someone, think of them and remind them that you care. Because sometimes that’s all it can take to bring a smile to someone’s face, to bring joy to their aching heart. Some choose to be alone but no one chooses to be forgotten. The world is cruel and sometimes it’s easier to hide than to face it. So please think of them. And remember Waheguru always.

Thank you for reading and apologies if I’ve bored you or if there are any mistakes in the text.

All the best and I hope your New Year wishes are granted and next year is better than the last. I truly hope mine is for this year has truly taken its toll.

Jas